Out of sorts. Weirdly oddly. I am now writing this a sophomore in college. I feel strange thinking about that. I've thought about dropping out a lot this year. Which I guess is natural, considering the placement of the year. Not even halfway done, having to take required classes, hating life because of it. Yet I've also learned how to be more grateful this year. Like just being thankful that I get to take classes and that my mommy pays for them. Being grateful that I can walk. That I don't have leukemia. So much has happened since this summer, it's a wonder I'm not completely re-adjusting and reconsidering my life. Brother has leukemia. May never walk again. Met a boy. Who cannot pay for school this semester so he must stay up all of most nights to work. It's sad. Making new friends in Cru. Going to Raystown once again with new people. Fall retreat this year. Canning. Going home and roadtripping it to PHILBU! Getting involved in a Bible study (finally). Considering possibly leading my own (well, with someone). Falling more and more in love with Jesus Christ. Trying through him to change my life. Growing closer to some dear dear friends. Actually being social for once. The norm. Except not, for me.
I don't really know how to describe this year so far. Extremely depressing, awful, horrible, amazing, exhilarating, fantastic, surprising, sweet, awesome, beautiful, lovely. So many different words that apply and applied at different times. This is just such a different year than last. I mean I'm used to college in a way. I'm used to the patterns, the routines. Yet I have a car this year so I can escape them and go back to my other life as well. My life at home. I feel a lot more torn this year between this home and my other. Sometimes I cannot tell which is more dear to me, though I don't know that it matters. I think all college kids go through this though. Well any college kid with strong ties both to their school and to their hometown. You know. Ahh but I don't know. So much of my life seems uncertain yet I have full assurance that Christ has a hold of my future that I can only rejoice and never worry. I can only love life. And I don't know if this makes sense or if I make sense but I'm getting excited for life as I write this, because I am reflecting on life and I always see positives when I do so. So I just love life. I'm excited for what God has in store. I'm trying to be patient AND look ahead, which is hard (esp for me) but I'm trying. And I'm really and truly just excited for what God has in store for my life. That's all. =)
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