I haven't written in here in awhile. And today I come to write about something that I have not thought about in awhile, which is fitting-- the arts.
Art. A term I have studied, experienced, and hopefully produced over the course of my lifetime. Something I have critiqued, analyzed, loved, and been moved by.
I have always considered myself an amateur "taker in" of the arts. I rarely think of myself as a producer, although I know that I have. I have never considered myself experienced enough to be a true artist. I have always been on the sidelines, in the shadows. Oh, a drawing here, a choral concert there, an opera in my shower; but nothing defined or definitive.
I believe that I have always wanted to be an artist. But I may have made the rookie mistake of thinking that if I was truly a performer that people would recognize that and they would acknowledge me for it and encourage me to pursue it. However I think that because the arts are such a precarious career, filled with incompetency and politics, people who do love me would eschew pushing me in that direction, lest I fail to get a break, and those that know the field and know that I could enter it would think of me as a competitor and keep me out of it. Possibly.
If nothing else, the arts as a career are an area in which one must be self-promoting, tenacious, and confident. I lack the first and last qualities listed, which for the most part inhibit me from even getting into that arena. Once I realize that I am a strong contender for a part I could argue my case well, but I am too scared to speak up in the first place. Sad, really, because everyone lost out on that one, but what is done is done.
I also realize that I need to go back to where my heart is--singing and writing. I also would love to learn how to dance, act, paint, and sew, but those are secondary. My soul is alive when I am producing music, it is one of my favorite activities. I have long since suffered from shyness about my voice and therefore was always reluctant to put myself out there, but the time for that is over. I cannot succeed if I do not at least try and I know from experience that life is always too short. I must do what I can while I can, because while my voice has changed dramatically and gotten stronger over the years, there is no telling how much time it (or I) will have. Therefore, let us live while we're alive. Live life, no regrets.